morning madness and loving judgements
Mornings this year with two middle schooler’s has been nothing less than interesting. One of them loves to be there early, and is ready at the same exact time every day. One of them…is not like that.
Yesterday was among the many where I am frustrated and confused. As I drove home after dropping our sixth grader off an HOUR late, I sat with my emotions and asked these questions:
What about this is bothering me?
What emotions am I feeling?
What do I want him to be doing?
What do I think I need him to be doing?
Your judgements
on others are your judgements on yourself.
But only always.
I am bothered because he doesn’t listen.
I feel angry, frustrated (a variation of anger) and sadness that he doesn’t listen.
I want him to eat breakfast food for breakfast, not chimichangas or Mac n’ cheese. I want him to be kind to his siblings. I want him to put his things away.
I think I need him to be on time. I need him to be aware of other people’s needs.
And then I wait. And wait. And what I saw made me laugh.
I haven’t been listening to myself at all lately.
After a night up 3 times with the 3 year old, I ate taquitos for breakfast.
I haven’t been kind to my kids lately.
I haven’t been putting my things away either.
I haven’t been aware of my needs or other people’s needs a lot lately either.
I’ve been sleeping in. Moving slowly, and not respecting other people’s desires.
Can you see the similarities?? It’s almost laughable right? What I judge others about, is really a gift to see WHAT I AM JUDGING MYSELF ON. Now, many times we can turn this practice into a weapon. But this isn’t about beating ourselves up by taking stock of everything I’m NOT doing, to fix myself so I feel better.
This is a practice of love.
It’s actually a gift to see where I’m judging myself and not realizing it. If I get irritated when my kids don’t put their shoes away, I am irritated at myself when I don’t put my shoes away. And oh my gosh! I didn’t even realize that I am always irritated with myself! What a gift!!!! Most of us are exhausted because we are silently judging ourselves ALL DAY LONG. And if you don’t think you are, just notice the judgements you have on everyone else all.day.long.
But here’s the cool part, You are SUPPOSED to be doing this! I promise! How do I know? Because YOU ARE doing it. I firmly believe that this life is guided and designed by a loving and wonderful God (or God of your understanding) and NOTHing, and I mean, NOTHING can happen unless it is supposed to. So yes, your judgements? They are part of a divine plan of happiness, love and joy!
And… bonus! If you can judge others all day long, it means you are AWARE of them, which is huge! And you can shift the judgments into blessings. Just stay with this for a minute, Instead of seeing what they can change, or what you need them to be doing, you can send them love instead of criticism. You can send yourself love. Every time you notice someone else and what they are doing, you can pray for them in your heart. You can pray for you as well.
I can forgive myself for judging myself as if I should have it all together.
I can forgive myself for judging myself as if I shouldn’t be upset at my son in the mornings.
I can forgive myself for judging my son as if he should be getting ready faster.
I can forgive myself for judging myself when I’m not paying attention to other's’ needs.
I can forgive myself for judging myself as if I shouldn’t be judging myself.
What can you forgive yourself for right now? What are you judging others for? And guess what? Commit to loving others and yourself more and watch your whole world shift!!! It’s a beautiful gift, you and your attention are changing the world!
Keep on shining bright one! And love yourself, especially your judgements!