winds of change (having a senior in high school)

This morning we did the math, 53 school days left until summer break.

But for our oldest, only 53 days of grade school left. Next year she is on to college.

I’ve never had a senior in high school before, so witnessing all of the stories that come up in my head about it has been nothing less than fascinating.

So many times my mind wants to wander into the past and/or future, and make me seem very important and special. I have a lot of opportunities to be “sad” that she is graduating and leaving the nest.

But here’s the thing, I am happy and grateful she is growing up, maturing and flying off on her own (although we do tell our kids, college is just an extension of childhood, so take advantage of it!). Growing up and leaving on her own, means she is alive. She has the opportunity to learn about herself and life more, it’s another day for us to talk to her and be with her.

This year seems to be full of tragedies and loss, all not expected and feeling very unfair to our minds. Good people shouldn’t die. Young children shouldn’t die. All those beliefs we hold sacred in our noggin. All untrue. The truth? We are all going to die.

The real challenge of this earth is learning how to truly LIVE.

Lucy and her besties- all seniors

Do I get sad and nostalgic about having a senior? Yes. But I try to witness when I’m just feeling the feelings versus soaking in them like a sadness jacuzzi- to make the attention all about me. I know, you read that right. So much of parent guilt and “sadness” over kids growing up is really just a tantrum way to get the attention about us. And bonus! It makes us look like a “good” parent because we are sad they are growing up.

Change is just, hard. There’s not ignoring that a child growing up and leaving the house isn’t a huge change. But change doesn’t have to be negative. Yes it’s the unknown, which our ego just despises and fears, but it doesn’t have to be labeled as scary and bad.

Some changes look negative on the surface but you will soon realize that space is being created in your life for something new to emerge.

— Eckhart Tolle

Being present and mindful gifts me the opportunity to witness these changes and find out what works for me as a mom in this phase, what doesn’t, and where to draw the line. Am I trying to soak it in and enjoy it to the max? Absolutely. It’s a privilege to raise children. I learn so much about myself, about the love of God for me, and about my purpose here.

Is it hard raising kids? Absolutely. Is it hard having a senior and a 3 year old? You betcha? And am I grateful I can do this and be with them? YES.

Am I witnessing the fear about this upcoming change? Yes. Sometimes I give into it, but mostly I try to just feel the feelings and let them go. Because the truth is…

The changes we dread most may contain our salvation.

— Barbara Kingsolver