New beginnings- a reflection
I sit in bed typing this out as our toddler naps. He’s now taking only one nap a day- a major event in our household that occurred a few months ago. His second nap of the afternoon turned into an obligatory ‘ I get a bottle from mom and then I poop my pants in bed’ nap for 15 minutes. so we cut it out.
having a baby/toddler/any child that is still napping means a schedule for me. this actually works well for my brain- I need schedules and I need one that I have to stick to…or else. and a napping baby is definitely a schedule maker (or breaker, depending on how you look at it).
and so the end of 2021 found my work schedule changing and also my “time”. during his second nap I would lie down for 10-20 minutes and meditate or stare into space. this time is now gone, and i’ve yet to force it into our new schedule. most days I see a client during Tommy’s one and only nap, this is precious sacred time. both the nap and when I see a client- both are respected and needed.
at this point I realize I am rambling, but it’s up to you if you keep reading or not, obviously i’m gonna keep rambling.
with work I found that I can’t see more than one client a day, and my schedule works well around seeing one client a day. more than that I have zero energy reserves left for the house, kids, my own self and spouse. less than that and I lose a little bit of direction and focus on WHO I am being as Annie, mother, coach, friend, person. I find it’s always easy when I have a napping child to get absorbed into a day that revolves around diapers, laundry and what words he isn’t or is saying.
MY TO DO LIST from NOVEMBER is still currently sitting, not checked off:
*set up a speech evaluation for Tommy (almost two and only says a dozen words, everything else is OUSH)
*set up a chiropractor and ortho appointment for our second child
*set up an eye appointment for third child
*get a massage
The FUN Things that have happened instead of that to do list are a plenty. I am newly working in the Young Women’s calling in our ward and absolutely love it. I’ve loved the time with my older girls, getting to know the other girls and boys in our ward and having fun every Wednesday. It has been a blast. Thanksgiving was a quiet day spent at the in-laws where I pulled a hammy running but also crushed a game of corn hole. I also started my period the day after Thanksgiving and then started again on Christmas Day. Happy Festivus for the rest of us! Made for an interesting combo.
Sickness entered back into our daily lives which hasn’t been a regular occurrence since having a toddler, hmmm? We all got slammed with a nasty 24 hour stomach bug a weekend in September which followed with Lucy testing positive for a virus that shall not be named. That quarantined us again, the third time since august. After she got better we had a full month of October with no sickness and then November we all got a small cold (I thought seasonal allergies) but brought Ty home from hunting with full blown virus that shall not be named and he was flat out for two weeks. Hiking for 8 hours the first 4 days of being sick definitely did not help any of his healing.
Then Christmas week comes along and two days before going to the Nutcracker (which was amazing and deserves its own post for another time), Tommy comes down with his first full blown cough ever, and fever, and sweats and not eating food and general lethargy and cranky pants syndrome. This continued for 5 straight days- of baths to cool him down, WWF wrestling maneuvers to get honey cough syrup and allergy meds down his throat (all to be spit out down his neck and back as he was lying on the floor hog tied by my legs and arms). We finally go through it! and then I was sick, and then a child, and then another child and then another child and finally the last child and Ty. MERRY CHRISTMAS!
now, the bonus? the leavitt household here had their first Christmas Eve and Christmas at home…ever, in the history of our 18 plus year marriage. I must say, Christmas Eve was magical, even with a few sickies in the house. That anticipation of Christmas is so so cool, and really fun to have it all inside our house. We had amazing bacon cheeseburgers and homemade wedge fries, opened our annual matching Christmas pjs and watched a few movies. I’d like to say I got to bed before 1am but I’d be lying, it was like 1:30, and Ty helped me with a ton. Being sick all week and having a toddler put some serious cramping into how things usually run around here during the holidays. I did get to keep a few of my favorite traditions and those make it a special time for ME.
One of those traditions is planning a trip for AFTER Christmas. My first therapist helped me with this tool for something to look forward to for after the Holidays as I usually experience a huge energy slump. The holidays were also a lot of old stories and sludge drudged up to see and feel. As things slowly got replaced with better stories and new creations for my life, I still enjoy having a trip planned for after.
The other tradition that slowly came about was from my own personal study and meditation habits over the past few years. I cherish this time, but it requires setting my alarm and getting up before Tommy (who wakes up between 5:30-6:30am), and meditating and studying next to the Christmas tree or fireplace. I LOVE this. Christmas slowly turned into my own personal date with the Christ every year. It starts my day off beautiful and helps me remember WHO I am and the rebirth of my spiritual identity. I have more gratitude, perspective and openness. I was proud I kept this going even with a sick baby the last week.
The week between Christmas and New Years is a Tylenol Severe Cold and Flu blur. We literally just have a medicine basket in the kitchen and my job when I wasn’t napping or holding Tommy was doling out medicine, taking temperatures and putting feverish kids into a bath or shower. By this point Tommy was ALL BETTER and READY TO PARTAYYYY. Ha! IT was pretty hilarious. We are all down and out and he’s like “Who is playing with me??”, and we are like, ‘here is the iPad, go to sleep for 4 days please’.
Everyone is almost better, but we are a house of coughs and phlegm. I finally got out of the house last night because I’m better and couldn’t have another person explaining their symptom changes since the last time they told me…30 minutes before. Noses are running too much. Then stuffy too much. Then I can’t cough. Now I’m coughing too much. I love how descriptive my kids are with what’s occurring in their body but everyone gets to a breaking point.
As 2021 ends- I will say it was quite the year. A year of personal loss of my dad, of many dreams I had, of old beliefs and stories, and old identities. I lost my driver’s license a total of 10 times this year, the final time…permanently. *Need to order that TODAY!. I laughed at this loss because I was working with my ACIM mentor on releasing my identity and becoming nothing. So of course I lose my “identity” card over and over and over again. We lost our old AC unit and got a new one, we lost the rest of our Ducks to a deranged raccoon on a genocidal rampage. We lost some of our tree limbs in a crazy storm. We also lost the water proofness of our roof in our hallway with same storm.
I lost the dream that taking your kids on magical vacations will make your relationship with them better. (not true)
I lost the idea that somehow, someone knows more than me or that I know more than others.
I lost the identity that I was a better mom than other moms (super painful one to see and let go but now feels amazing)
I lost the dream that I am here to save people. (thank goodness, what a gross dream)
What I did gain was the empowering truth that I am here to SAVE myself from all limiting beliefs.And that as I fully love and EMBRACE ANNIE I empower others to do the same. I gained a few favorite mantras from other teachers and mentors:
A rising tide lifts all boats.
I do not use my past to victimize myself or others, I only use my past to empower myself and others.
Nothing works (meaning, NOTHING does really work, because In nothing, is everything that is)
I connected with new amazing clients who are bringing it to the table and then some. I am connected with new coaches for me who are totally in the rabbit hole and helping me bring it and then some.
I came to peace with the questions and issues that 2021 brought up around my “church” and the way has been run, is run and many cultural traditions that I didn’t resonate with anymore. I believe the only way I came to peace with them is that I was ok that they were there. I don’t have to solve the problems or fix them, just allow them to be and allows the confusion and hurt to be there as well.
As Byron Katie would say, ‘You want a church that is less judgmental? YOU FIRST’.
You want kids that clean up after themselves and respect your wishes? YOU FIRST
Want a spouse that communicates clearly and takes care of you? YOU FIRST
Want a beautiful, clean house that is loved and cherished? YOU FIRST
Want clients who put their old beliefs aside and create from power and spiritual abundance? YOU FIRST.
Want a year of miracles and joy? YOU FIRST.
So here is to ME being the first to give those things to MYSElF and in turn, to others. What a magical year. What an exciting beginning to 2022. Thanks for being here with me.